This post is going to start by stating the obvious: word choice is important for all writing. But it could be argued that the shorter the piece, the more precise language needs to be. Poorly chosen words are more exposed when there are fewer words around them.
One of the reasons I first got into short-form writing—initially with 50- and 100-word micro fiction, but then haiku—was that it functions as an exercise in word selection and brevity. I’ve found there’s both pleasure and frustration in the search for the right word.
In haiku’s case, I’m especially prone to doubt. There are times a word feels the best fit, yet comes with limitations that make me question its suitability. Take bin day here in Tokyo (or across Japan), when bins/rubbish/trash/garbage/gomi (this choice of word is the issue) is put out in the street, tucked under netting, to be picked up by the council; often after crows have picked at it. An attempt to capture that in a haiku could be:
bin day
a crow escapes
with raisin bread
I like the quick jab of “bin day” and it’s the phrase I’d naturally use having grown up in the UK. But there’s a risk it could be too British. So how about adding a word to try and give more context:
bin collection day
a crow escapes
with raisin bread
Here, however, the addition of “collection” alters the tempo too much and makes the opening line unwieldy. Though I don’t rigidly stick to the following, I’ve always liked the idea outlined in the Haiku Handbook (Higginson and Harter): haiku in English work well when there’s (roughly) seven accented syllables combined with a smaller number of unaccented syllables, with the grammatical break placed between the second and third or fifth and sixth accented syllables.
Instead, maybe including a Japanese word would keep it punchy and also better place the scene in Japan. Like this:
gomi day
a crow escapes
with raisin bread
If so, I might as well change “raisin bread” to “raisin pan” while I’m at it. It wouldn’t be incorrect. I use both languages daily and at times they merge. But mixing languages would limit the haiku’s audience even further, and even though I write haiku first and foremost for myself, I’d still like other people to be able to understand them.
Perhaps incorporating the haiku in a haibun would be best, using a couple of paragrahs of prose to create context. Maybe I should print it, burn it, and be done. A touch dramatic. I don’t know.
For now, it starts with “bin day”.